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Tried by Fire & Dealing with Failures

Many times when bad things happen to us, part of our initial emotional response is to start weeping inside because we are hurting. That hurt may be prolonged, at times totally over-shadowing any significant lesson we can learn from such unfortunate situations. We always forget that the realities of life are made up of many pleasant and unpleasant incidents. Nobody is afraid to celebrate success under normal conditions. While we are busy blowing such trumpet we quickly forgets about the possibility of failure. When we later crash and our walls start to collapse, we cannot tolerate the emotional pains of those unfortunate experiences. But, if we can pull back a little from our hurt after a period of time, we can always learn from these bad incidents.

Sometimes we need to go through those painful experiences to make us learn those social and emotional skills needed for survival in similar situations. Consequently, when bad things happen to us, they can offer powerful elements of learning and growth.

Shortly before her death, Mrs. Jacqueline Kennedy said, "I've experienced both bad and good things of life, but I can't separate either of the two." She was eluding to the definition of life. However many of us will fight the bad things of life because of the emotional colorfulness of going through such experiences. Often, we don't realize the reason for feeling pain. Painful experiences such as death within the family, loss of job or business, or relationship failure, to mention a few, sometimes remind us of the good times.

Life is made up of many challenges, and the way we choose to deal with these situations will dictate the outcome of events in our lives. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Consequently, it is unfair to life itself when we spend a long period of time lamenting over unfortunate things that happen to us.

Overcoming the Invisible Crime (352 pages, published by Lara Publications of St. Louis) was written to help people learn about the survival skills of life. It is the autobiography of a former hospital manager, tried by fire, who explains how he learned to overcome his obstacles and continue his life without bitterness. You can see through the words of the writer while going through the moments of trial and tribulation. Here are some tips to help you develop your own survival skills:

Getting Over Emotional Trauma

Any misfortune or loss in life may be emotionally traumatic. The outcome depends on how we react to the events. Initially, we must try to hurt and experience the emotional pain of hurting. Don't bottle up the pain inside where it has power to start destroying you from within. Admit you are hurting; don't be in denial. Learn to accept your situation. Blaming somebody or yourself or the system will do you no good. It is important to find out what the error is, and learn strategy for correction, if it is correctable. This way, it will be a learning experience and not a blame game. Yes, when we blame others, we feel better because we try to shift our responsibility to take corrective action to somebody else or the institution. As a result, we can become embittered and entrapped by anger, depression and impotence of action.

Whatever happens to us, we must learn to hurt, to heal and to overcome without anger or bitterness. Each stage may take a different time for different people. We should, however, not surrender ourselves to depression. The event may well be somebody else's fault, but human strength comes from taking charge of one's own life.

Creating Economic Success From Failures.

We have a tendency to underestimate the skills we have developed from our own work experience. Such skills can be put together and developed for the initiation of a personal business on the side. Underestimating personal skills may emotionally retard efforts to initiate personal business. In the process of seeking economic progress, people are often looking for the security of the paycheck. Nothing is wrong with the security of the bi-weekly pay checks, but while on the job, attempts should be made to look for the possibility of personal business or turning a hobby to a money-making machine.

Importantly, people should learn to market their skills. Most of the time, the element of success is hidden inside that failure of job or business loss. When we don't look carefully while drowning in storms of emotions, we fail to see the rising sun in the morning even with wide open eyes.

No Success Without Failure

Nobody has ever succeeded without experiencing a form of failure. When we see successful people, we may wonder how they made it and how we can achieve similar success. We sometimes don't realize that everybody has to pay something for their success. Most of these successful people learned to rise from the ruined ashes of their failures. According to President Richard Nixon, "Those who have been at the valley will appreciate the magnificence of being on top of the mountain."

Drowning in Depression Drains Energy and Motivation

Okay, you have been suffering and nursing your loss for a while. When are you going to end it? No person, psychotherapy, or medication can end it for you, but you can end it yourself. Depression will consume your energy and motivation, making every effort seem doomed to failure. While in depression, you can't think clearly. You may become a couch potato, unable to focus, even on watching television. Ask those people who spend some of their daily hours in depression. It's not a fun city. Depression is like the mask of silent insanity (due in part to constant confusion and inability to focus) and emotionally bleeding from inside that is not bandaid-able.

Get Busy, Keep Yourself Preoccupied

The enemy of depression is activity. Get over your hurt quickly by keeping yourself busy with other activities and physical exercise. While looking for solutions to your problems, get involved in community, church, or other social activities. When your mind starts to wonder, it's time to get busy! If your husband or boyfriend left you for another pretty young lady, go out and find a new one instead of crying everyday. If your wife pushed you out of the house for another man, find a new romance and for goodness sake, stop weeping. People are better off when negotiating conditions of getting back together from the position of strength than that of weakness. Meet different people or share your hurt with people going through similar experiences. Go out and make things happen! If you feel like killing somebody out of anger, get your Bible and head for the church or seek counseling. This is why some support groups are very good in helping people overcome pain, especially at the initial stage when the heart is boiling in despair.

Always remember, "Nobody has the inner key to your life happiness, but yourself, " says 'Yinka Vidal the author of Overcoming the Invisible Crime. "You don't have to surrender such valuable inner power to any event or depression. Learn to take control of your life and emotions. Nobody said it was going to be easy because life itself is a journey made of many surprises and uncertainties."

"A man can become a master of his own destiny." William Shakespeare (1564-1616).

Overcoming the Invisible Crime, 352 pages, $19.99 is published by Lara Publications, P.O. Box 52176 St. Louis, MO. 63136. Author 'Yinka Vidal is available nationally by arrangement for talkshow interviews, 314-653-0467.

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